


A Year in the Life of the Blue Paladin

by eightbluetrafficlights



Category: Voltron - Fandom, Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Fluff, Gay Keith (Voltron), Homesick Lance (Voltron), JUST, Langst, M/M, Oneshot, Trans Character, Trans Lance (Voltron), You'll see what I mean, and a lil bit of fluff too i guess, kinda like a diary?, langst all the way, uhhh, wow i am horrible at tagging
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-17
Updated: 2017-09-17
Packaged: 2018-12-30 19:49:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12115971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eightbluetrafficlights/pseuds/eightbluetrafficlights
Summary: Allura gives all of the paladins a recorder so they can record what could have gone better in battle for future reference. Lance, of course, doesn't use it that way, because just following the rules is boring, right?Besides, he is in serious need of a diary now that he's in space, and everything goes downhill from there.





	A Year in the Life of the Blue Paladin

**Author's Note:**

> Hello people! This is my first fanfic (EVER) on ao3, so yay! I kind of used writing this as a coping mechanism, so yeah, it's angsty. This isn't really written out in a literate way, because all of it is spoken, as you'll see. When someone else is speaking, it gets separated with an enter, but it's pretty clear when that happens. Anyways, enjoy!

_July 9th, 2016_

 

Allura gave all of us something that looks like a recorder. She told us it’s something to tell our battle strategies to and to record how we could’ve done better for the future or something. I don’t think I’m going to use it for that, sounds more like something Shiro’d do. Besides, I’m kind of in need of a diary around here.

 

_ July 28th, 2016 _

 

I miss my family.

I miss Leo and his idiotic annoying behavior he claims to be ‘big brother behavior’. I miss Sophia and how she always ruffles my hair and claims I’m getting too tall. I miss playing tag with Carlos and Mia. I miss holding little Lucas in my arms as I sing him to sleep. I miss my papá and his proud smiles whenever I tell him about my good grades. I miss my mamá and her warm hugs.

I miss my family.

I miss the chaotic birthday parties they used to give.

I didn’t tell the team my birthday was today. It wasn’t important and they probably wouldn’t really care. I tried, really, but everyone was busy and I didn’t want to bother them. Hunk was helping Pidge figure out what to do with some tech they found on an abandoned planet. Coran and Allura were checking the Castle for any damage from our last battle. And Keith and Shiro were training together. They all had something better to do.

Besides, a birthday isn’t really a birthday without my family. It wouldn’t have felt right to have one without them. Today doesn’t count as my birthday, I’ve decided. Just a plain day like all the others. 

Sometimes I think about how it would be if I could come back. I dream about getting back and having everything to be the same as it used to be. But I realize I’ve missed things. I’ve missed Leo coming back from his gap year in Spain. I’ve missed Sophia’s graduation and Carlos first learning how to read. I’ve probably missed Mia’s first crush and Lucas’ first steps.

I’ve missed a whole part of my life that I won’t ever get back. I know, folks would kill to stand in my shoes as a paladin of Voltron. I know, and I  _ am _ grateful for that. This is everything I’ve ever dreamed of when I first applied to the Galaxy Garrison, but sometimes, sometimes I am just so, so homesick.

I’m… I’m going to stop this here. I don’t think I’ll be able to keep it dry here if I don’t, so, er, thanks for listening, I s’pose. I really needed to vent.

Goodnight.

 

_ August 18th, 2016 _

 

Keith and I had another fight today. God, he’s insufferable. And I swear, it wasn’t my fault. We bicker all the time, it’s become a habit, a routine. And it’s not like those fights usually get me emotionally down or anything, usually I’m just pissed off. 

He just… I don’t know. I feel weird saying all of this out loud. Even when I’m alone in my room. 

This time was different, I guess. He wasn’t even planning on saying something mean, he was just playfully teasing. And I don’t blame him, he doesn’t have any idea, but still. He just said some things that brought back, well, bad memories. It’s almost an hour ago now, so I’m okay now, but, er, it got me, well, pretty emotional. 

Jesus, I hope no one listens to this.

It wasn’t anything bad, seriously. I just complained about how getting up early messes up my routine, which it does, and he kept teasing me like, ‘ _ and our Aurora needs her beauty sleep, right? _ ’ or ‘ _ does Allura know she’s not the only princess in here? _ ’. And I don’t blame him, I had already been teasing him about his jacket before, so I suppose he felt like he needed to take revenge. But that-that really,  _ really _ hurt more than it should. 

I can stand insults like  _ douchebag _ or  _ asshole _ , but what Keith said… those hit a nerve.

I’m pretty sure Keith didn’t think it was normal that I suddenly stormed away like that instead of giving some witty comeback, so I’ll have to come up with an excuse.

Anyway… I’m going to bed, I think. Goodnight.

 

_ September 2nd, 2016 _

 

I think this is the first time I’m going to record something positive on this. I’m just so hyped and I really need someone to tell so, here goes!

I’ve got a date! Like, an  _ actual _ date! Can you believe it? I thought I was forever stuck in the loop of being rejected or having the team mess up my chances, but this girl is amazing! She’s beautiful, smart and she appreciates my humor! And her name is Rosilia! Isn’t that the most beautiful name you’ve ever heard?

We’re going to meet tomorrow by the first sunset on her home planet near a tree and a lake. I’m so excited! I know I’ve only just met her, but there’s this connection, you know? Rosilia has so much potential to be the future miss Blue Lion.

 

_ September 3rd, 2016 _

 

Rosilia isn’t going to be the future miss Blue Lion, I just realized. I’m still under our tree, where the date should’ve been, if you can even call it that. I’m all dressed up, my hair perfectly in model, dressed in the closest thing to a tux that I could find on the ship. 

She didn’t show.

I sat down under the blossoming tree, outlooking the large, purple tinted lake.

After I watched the first sun disappear behind the horizon, I was disappointed I couldn’t watch it with her, but I still had hope. She was probably just late, right?

She wasn’t. I waited there the whole evening. I watched the other two sunsets and after that, I stayed two more hours waiting hopelessly in the darkness, and I’m  _ still _ here.

I should’ve expected this. Should’ve seen it coming. Who wants a date with a seventh wheel, right?

I think I’m going to return to the Castle now. It’s pretty late, and it’s not like Rosilia is going to show up.

Goodnight.

 

_ September 3rd, 2016 _

 

I was wrong! I’ve never been so glad about being wrong in my entire life. God, I’m so glad. She’s here! She’s actually here! There are purple lights from a ship above me! I  _ knew _ she would show! It’s starting to land now, I want to record her first words.

Wait.

No.

This isn’t… isn’t right. This can’t be her ship.

It’s-it’s… it’s a Galra ship!

I’ve got to get out of here, got to find my Lion and- Blue! They’ve got Blue!

This is a nightmare, this can’t be happening!

Help! Someone, please! 

Hel- mmmhppff.

 

To the remaining Paladins of Voltron.

I am prince Lotor. I have caught your Blue Paladin and his Lion. I must admit, it was easier than I expected it to be. 

Come get him back, try to free him. I encourage you to try. Soon, all the lions of Voltron will be mine, and there is nothing you can do about it.

In the meantime, I’ll take good care of your handsome Blue Paladin.

Any last words to your team, Paladin?

 

G-guys! I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry, p-please, help-aargh!

 

Sorry, we need to load him onto our ship now.

Sincerely, prince Lotor.

 

_ September 4th, 2016 _

 

Hunk, do you want to say anything?

Yeah, I get it… I think we’re all pretty emotional. Good luck on those lasers, alright? I’m going to his room.

Hey Lance. 

I hope you get to listen to this one day. We just went down to the tree by the lake that you described after finding your bed empty. You… you weren’t there either. Just this stupid recorder. We listened to everything on it, which I’m really sorry for. We’ll get you back, I promise. We’ll find a way, somehow. 

I hope Lotor’s treating you better than Shiro got treated. I can’t bear thinking about how you’ll come back if they do. 

We’ll free you and get you back to the Castle as soon as possible. Everyone is trying their best to find a way. Allura’s locating Lotor’s ship, Pidge, Hunk and Slav are modifying the Castle’s weapons and defenses so we will be stronger than ever when we face Lotor. Shiro and Matt are training. They’re making a program to keep everyone in perfect shape, since they’re the best fighters on board. 

And I’m, well, I’m not doing a lot. I’m sitting on your bed, going through your stuff in case we find any clues to where you are. I know it’s useless and invading your privacy, but I think they just needed me to do something. I needed to do something, too. Needed to have some kind of distraction. 

We miss you, Lance. We really do, all of us.

I’m going to check up on Shiro and Matt and bring them some snacks or something. Bye.

 

_ September 30th, 2016 _

 

It’s been a while. But I figured I’d record how far everything is going by now. We try our best to focus on getting you back, Lance, really, but apparently this universe thinks it’s convenient to have only one team to save it. 

Our last attempt to save you barely did any damage to the ship, and we were lucky to have all come back alive, Allura said. I think we were all left with scars from then. 

We… we didn’t find you in time. Sometimes I think that maybe we would have found you if I had more time, if Shiro hadn’t dragged me back into Red. I’m sorry Lance. I’m sorry for not being quick enough, for not finding you and for not being able to actually tell you this.

I’m so sorry.

It’s quiet without you. No one really smiles a lot anymore. I don’t think anyone realized just how important to the team you were before you left apart from your shooting skills. But now you can’t  _ not _ realize it. Everyone’s silence on the dinner table, their seriousness. You’re our glue, Lance. We  _ need _ you.

We miss you, too. A lot. Everyone does.

I miss our bickering, your stupid jokes and even your constant flirting with everyone in sight. I miss you, Lance. Didn’t think those words would actually leave my mouth. Heh.

I’m… I’m going to end this here. I’ll make sure you’re back for the next recording. 

 

_ October 23rd, 2016 _

 

Hey Lance.

Jesus. I really thought I wouldn’t have to record anything anymore on this.

So, er, it’s my birthday today. Yay me.

Ugh. You know, I never liked birthdays in the first place. Just a reminder of how times are changing and how you’re again closer to death. I wish you were around to celebrate it with me. I asked Shiro not to make a big deal out of it because, well, eighteen is just number. Besides, you didn’t celebrate it either, so it seems wrong for me to do so when a part of my family is missing.

I hope you’re doing okay. Hunk told me not to focus on worst-case scenarios, and I really try not to, but I’m scared. The last time someone I cared about disappeared, he came back with a prosthetic arm and a battle-hardened personality I didn’t know because of PTSD. I don’t want the same to happen to you. I want to find you back in a nice clean room, well cared for and looked after and happy. Though the more I think about it, and certainly now I say it out loud, the less likely it seems.

I just hope we find you back before it’s too late. I pray for your sake almost every night, which is pretty ironic since I’m atheist. But I thought, if you believe in God, then that God must know how amazing you are and if so, he wouldn’t think about refusing to help you. 

For once, I hope there’s a God out there.

Please, Lance. Come back alive.

 

_ November 6th, 2016 _

 

Hey Lance.

I saw you today. We were attempting to free you again. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so powerless before. You were there, right there in front of me, but the ship exploded partly and we were forced back into our lions.

It felt horrible. Like you’re getting a piece of your favorite candy, but right before you can grab it, it gets snatched away, out of your reach. I’m sorry.

I don’t think you even saw me. From what I saw, you were passed out in the arms of the Galra soldier that was carrying you. I only saw a glimpse, you know… There was too many red to my liking. We’re going to get you back, Lance, I promise. I’ll make sure no one stops looking for you, that the team doesn’t give up hope. 

Hunk’s calling for dinner. I better hurry up.

Bye.

 

_ November 29th, 2016 _

 

I wasn’t planning on recording stuff on here anymore. Hunk and Shiro told me I should. It’s stupid, I’ve got my own recorder. But I use that one for its intended purpose, of course you had to go and rebel against Allura.

Talking through this stays weird. It feels wrong to say everything out loud like this, but I promised Hunk and Shiro I’d give it another try, so here goes.

Lance, I-I miss your stupid ass. I don’t get it- the others all seem to be getting used to your absence. I… can’t. I had another breakdown yesterday evening. It took both Shiro and Hunk to stop me from getting in Red and saving your ass. Or attempting to. 

I hope you don’t listen to this if you get back. No,  _ when _ you get back.  _ When _ . Because you will. You have to.

Shiro says that he hadn’t expected your absence to affect me most. I hadn’t either, but here we are. 

Jesus Christ- I hate crying, did I mention that? It’s your eyes deciding, _without_ _permission_ , to show emotion. I hate it. Hate it. But hey, who listens to my opinion? Not my eyes.

Lance, I-I miss you. P-please, you  _ need _ to come back. C-come back for me.  _ Please _ .

 

_ December 25th, 2016 _

 

Christmas is stupid. I don’t like it. I hate Christmas. You know why? I’ll tell you why. It’s your favorite holiday, Lance. You told us so when you were still here. Said you looked forward to buying space presents for your family.

We went buying space presents a few times this week. I bought you some too. I put them on your bed so you can see them when you get back. I hope you’ll like them.

You need to get back, Lance. I know you can’t hear this but  _ please _ , I need you here. I need you here with me. God, I’m so pathetic. Sitting on your bed, wearing your jacket and crying into its sleeve while recording this. Pretty pathetic. 

You know, I almost forgot what your voice sounded like. I don’t like listening to your past recordings, they’re all so depressing… It breaks my heart to hear you cry like that, knowing that I could’ve been there if I had known. I’m so sorry. I only listen to them every so often so I remember what your voice sounds like. Your stupid wonderful voice.

I want you back, Lance.

 

_January 1st, 2017_

 

New year, new chances. I’m actually in a good mood now, if you can believe it. 

We found some technology on an abandoned planet and it’s amazing. Better than even Allura has ever seen. Slav, Pidge and Hunk have been working on it ever since we got it on the ship, and it’s looking good. It’ll take a while for them to know properly how it works, but Shiro said that he thinks we’ll actually have a chance against Lotor’s forces. 

We’re coming to get you back, Lance. This technology will boost our defenses and attacks immensely, and we have been training and bonding with our Lions for a long time. I think we have a shot. Pidge equipped all our Lions with the invisibility hers has, so we can get into the ship pretty unseen. 

I’m so excited! I promise you, Lance, this will work. We won’t throw away our shot.

 

_ February 3rd, 2017 _

 

Hey. Been a while, hasn’t it? 

I know. I’m sorry, I’ve been in a healing pod for the past two weeks, apparently. I only got out yesterday, but I managed to convince the others I needed some time alone. Shiro told me that Keith left messages on here, and apparently it was a good coping mechanism for him, so I figured I should try it.

God… I can’t even begin to describe how horrible my stay was. The first month was like heaven, I got loaded in presents and jewels, a fancy room even. I loved every second of it, as much as one can love being imprisoned. But then… then after I refused to join their forces, they started treating me like-like an actual prisoner. 

I got thrown into the arena frequently for the first few weeks, a-and the rest of the time I spent in a small prison cell. I hated it so, so much in there. I’m so claustrophobic, the room alone gave my panic attacks and left me hyperventilating on my own.

And then… then there were the soldiers. I was t-tied up with my wrists above my head… s-so they all came by every once in a while if they needed to beat someone up or if they wanted some f-fun… I couldn’t do anything, they just… they could just do whatever they wanted. They took my binder, and just did everything they wanted. I felt so, so miserable… I’m still not entirely sure if this is real or just another one of Haggar’s hallucinations. I really, really d-don’t know anymore…

 

_ March 15th, 2017 _

 

I’m getting better. It’s taken me so long, but Shiro says I’m doing really good. I still have a tendency to flinch the moment anyone raises their hand for anything, there are still so many traces that lead back to my stay there. But I’m getting better. Slowly, but I’m getting there, I think. Keith told me that I’m not as quiet anymore and that he’s glad to have me back. I’m glad to have him back, too. I’m immensely glad that he managed to get me inside Red. 

By the way, we managed to locate Blue. I can’t wait to see her back, I’ve missed her so much. Anyway, I think I’m going to go to sleep. There’s still a lot of sleepless nights I need to catch up with.

 

_ March 21st, 2017 _

 

I’m feeling happy. For the first time in what feels like forever, I’m feeling really, truly happy. I didn’t know I missed Blue’s cool presence as much as I did until I got inside her again. I’ve missed her so, so much. This morning when we were about to do a training with the lions, I burst into tears when I stepped inside her. I had missed her comforting, smooth words so, so much. I didn’t know I loved her so much, but turns out she’s become like a big, feline sibling to me. I wouldn’t ever want to miss her again, not a chance.

Everything seems to be getting back on track again. We’ll be able to form Voltron again, we’ll be strong again. 

The Galra Empire isn’t nearly defeated yet, but we’re getting stronger. Our chance is getting bigger and bigger. And I’m definitely looking forward to punching Lotor in the face.

 

_ June 7th, 2017 _

 

Things are getting better. They really are. And today I can proudly announce that I’ve got an actual boyfriend! 

God, even the word makes me blush. 

Apparently we’ve been tiptoeing around each other for ages, or that’s what Pidge says. I’m just glad I can braid his stupid amazing mullet and kiss his adorable lips without needing an excuse or without having to do it in my dreams.

Keith’s actually really cute when he’s asleep, did you know that? And yeah, it’s just sleeping, we’ve only been together for, what, three days? Sleeping with someone else close is just really comforting and it helps when one of us has a nightmare.

 

Lance? What are you doing?

 

I’m sorry, did I wake you? I thought I was being quiet…

 

You? Quiet? That’s a good one. Come on, I thought waking up early messed up your routine or something?

 

The man’s right, people. Gonna end this, I need both hands to cuddle up to my moody boyfriend.

 

At least yours doesn’t talk to a recorder at seven in the morning.

 

_ June 14th, 2017 _

 

Amazing news! We’ve been communicating with this planet, and it’s really medically advanced and all.

But, the big news, today I’m going there for top surgery! I’m so excited!

I just wanted to say this, because I’ve literally been looking forward to this my whole life and I cannot stop smiling at all. 

Things are really turning out okay, they really are. Also, Keith swore to stay by my side almost the whole time in case the aliens would be mean or something, which is insanely cute because that’s the weakest excuse ever. He’s preeetty protective sometimes, and I absolutely love it.

 

_ July 4th, 2017 _

 

Fourth of July! I loooove today so much!

Keith and I are together for a whole month now and he bought me a cactus. Or, something like it, because it’s blue. I named it R2-D2 just because- uhhh Star Wars obviously! We’ve done a Star Wars marathon the past two days, so you honestly can’t blame me.

Also, update on my chest! The healing process is going a lot faster than it would on Earth, and it’ll be healed by my birthday already! God, I’m so excited to see it all healed and when I can actually move my arms properly again.

 

_ July 28, 2017 _

 

Birthday baby! Finally the same age as my boyfriend! Well, not technically, but who cares about that, right?

My chest is amazing! It’s flat and it feels so liberating! I can move my arms properly again, and my nipples are perfectly in place and it looks better than I ever dared to dream.

My birthday has gone great. Coran found a planet -I have no idea how, but he did- where it rains. It actually rains! I loved it so much, even though I left the planet completely soaked, it was so, so worth it! 

I didn’t even mind having my birthday in space this time. Maybe it’s because Allura said that we could probably go back to Earth shortly around Christmas. 

Or maybe it’s because I have a part of my family up here to celebrate it with me.

I’m going to leave now, Hunk cooked some absolutely amazing tacos and I’m not going to postpone eating those for another second, because otherwise they’ll be all eaten by Pidge or literally anyone else, so wish me luck!

**Author's Note:**

> You read my story! Thank you so much, I hope you liked it! You can tell me all about it in the comments (I love feedback!) or on my Tumblr, which is @eightbluetrafficlights. Thanks again!


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